Arrow
by Swii
Summary: Dedicated to IrethFefalas. I'm as straight as an arrow! Pairings: RoyEd and implied HavocFury. Strong language. Sappy. One-shot.


**Title:** Arrow

**Writer:** O.S. Acious

**Genre:** Romance/Humor

**Rating: **PG-13

**Spoilers: **Episode 21, the term 'homunculus' is once used off hand.

**Warnings:** Shounen-ai. Boy Love. Roy and Ed snogging. Another warning for inappropriate language, courtesy of Edward Elric.

**Pairings:** Roy/Ed. Implied Havoc/Fury.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, no rights to it, nada.

**Summary:**"I'm as straight as an arrow!"

-

A rumor had been going around Central City that a certain Fullmetal Alchemist had a questionable sexuality. Of course, the rumor mill in Central City was not very credible. It had probably floated up into the gray skies from the mouths of bored teenagers with nothing better to do than tease the one State Alchemist around their age. And it had probably been thought up by a group of teenage _girls, _whose only reason for the rumor would be the blonde's long hair. Far too long for a man, many thought. However, the truth of the rumor mattered very little, as its purpose of causing doubt spread through the military ranks had been _fully _achieved. Many wondered about it: Edward Elric. Who would have thought?

Then again, the nasty rumor had more caused trouble than some people had originally thought. 'Some people' referred quite pointedly to members of the Investigation Department with far too much time on their hands. And it was because of the rumor's true origins that some credibility had been put into the mischievous rumor, and Military HQ thought it appropriate to have a word with Edward.

Just as the blonde-haired alchemist walked into Colonel Roy Mustang's section of HQ, he had instantly felt the stares on his back. Being short-tempered, his gold eyes narrowed dangerously and he stalked up to the nearest officer, Second Lt. Jean Havoc, and slammed both hands down on said officer's desk. Havoc continued smoking though, exhaling obscene amounts of gray smoke into Fullmetal's face, and grinning. Cheeky. Far too cheeky for Ed's tastes.

"So, Edward," Havoc began as he puffed out another cloud of smoke, "is it true you were kissing a man yesterday?"

"WHAT?" Edward yelled. It had been annoying enough to be within two feet of Havoc when he was smoking, but what the other man had just said was enough to turn him purple with disgust. A blooming shade of lavender. His mind quickly digested what his ears had heard; there was 'kissing' and 'man' in the same sentence, and just thinking of it made Edward feel scandalized. Who had come up with this?

Heymans Breda interrupted his thoughts with a question, "Is it true?" Ed's eyes stared horrified at the other officer about to scream a loud 'no.'

"Well?" Havoc and Cain Fury both asked. Havoc continued, "It's the talk of Central right now."

_The talk of Central . . . _

"Who started this?" Edward demanded, nearly jumping with rage. "I'll kill them! So help me if I . . . "

"It's true then?" Fury tried. He adjusted his thick rimmed glasses in a startled shock. This was big news!

"NO!" Ed indignantly shouted. The only reason he was so worked up was because it _wasn't _true. Dammit.

He noticed Breda grinning and Havoc stifling a chuckle behind his cigarette.

He exclaimed wildly, "It ISN'T true!" A little louder and he would have all the military gathered outside the room, listening to the petite blonde rant and worry if he was going to bite someone's head off. " How can it be true IF I HAVEN'T HAD MY FIRST KISS YET!"

Now, that was loud enough. All the occupants of the neat and orderly office turned in his direction, greatly amused. Farmen, a man with an excellent work ethic could not help but encourage the other's antics with bouts of unsuppressed, or insuppressible, laughter. First Lt. Riza Hawkeye even hazarded a look, nonchalantly gazing over her stack of paperwork to be given to the colonel. The colonel himself raised an eyebrow.

Edward Elric had noticed the sudden attention instantly. He immediately regretted his outburst now knowing that the bastard colonel was paying full attention. Well, perhaps the man was paying attention before but at least then the man hadn't said anything. The room was a large, spacious and nearly empty office, with a long row of desks where Riza, Farmen, Fury, Breda, and Havoc worked. Down that wonderful yellow brick road was the colonel's desk, dark brown and forbidding. And still in the same room, now that he had switched to Central. Ed realized that the moment he had walked in, every word had been caught and categorized by 'Roy think.'

"So, Fullmetal," Roy began, a devious smirk crept up his face, "it seems you are premature in more than one area." He made it a point to tilt his head up, and gaze down at Ed -to make it seem the boy was even shorter.

"SHUT UP!" Edward stomped past the large row of office desks toward the colonel and when he had gotten close enough, he clapped his hands abruptly and placed one hard against the wall. A bright blue transmutation response lit the room and another wall formed to separate the work spaces. That'll show the bastard to even _think _of having his desk be near everyone else's. Edward stood in front of the wall, seething. Roy noted with amusement how the walls were still the same color, a filter in the right place, and the wooden borders following around the new wall -highly decorative. There was even a door a little to his left.

And on his right was Fullmetal.

Fullmetal was a pretty boy, that much was for certain. He wore his long blonde hair in a braid that had now grown long enough to be an effective whip. Whenever he was angry, seething, or outraged he just looked wonderful. Well, the colonel thought that it was comforting to see the other utterly alive. Bristling with fury.

"Now, now," Roy said in a condescending tone, "it is obviously factual that you are vertically challenged, and now challenged relationship-wise as well. Not even a first kiss yet, Fullmetal?"

"UGH! You _bastard_! Just because I don't have a date for every single week of the year does not make me a hermit with no luck with girls!"

"Really, Fullmetal? I heard you liked older men."

"NO! I DON'T!" Edward exploded. He punched his automail fist down on the desk mere inches away from the colonel's face. The other man gave nothing away, no surprise or shock in his coal-black eyes that glinted dangerously. "I'm as straight as an arrow!"

Roy laughed, irritating Ed even more. What the hell was up with everyone? Who on earth started all this trouble?

"The arrow's crooked," Roy told him, shaking his head at how his subordinate could ever have thought otherwise. Edward Elric then proceeded to forget he alchemized a door, made a hole in a section of the newly formed wall, and stomped away muttering 'not crooked' under his breath.

-

An hour of feverish sulking later found a blonde-haired teen trying very hard not to stomp on the city sidewalks. Sneaking close one could hear him chanting something. What had started as 'not crooked' had soon turned into 'the arrow is straight' and the boy muttered the phrase with distaste. He had just gotten back to Central City on the train the very same day and had to go through this nonsense. People stared at him in the streets, clearly 'the talk of Central' was only too true to describe his condition.

Ed made another turn going to Military HQ. He was going for the second time today, _back _to HQ because he had gone to the hotel to fetch Al to continue their journey only to forget to ever ask for his new lead. Mission. Anything.

But apparently the bastard must not have had anything and thus used an ill-prepared rumor to turn the alchemist away. Well, he couldn't have that, now could he?

So the Fullmetal Alchemist was stomping walking back to Military HQ, back to the new office he had just made, and back to get his mission and slap the colonel harshly upside the head, glare, and accuse the man of being a complete pervert.

To think how far he could go to simply have some fun cover-up his mistake was awesome. The superior officer was willing to accuse him, _him_, of being gay. Preposterous.

_The arrow is straight, the arrow is straight, the arrow is straight . . . _

Edward turned suddenly, halting in front of a floral shop and walked closer to the rainbow of beautiful buds. He bent over to smell the sweet scent of spring. The smell of red roses filled him. And there were bright orange tiger lilies, a vivid shower of colors, blends of color, and a soft sweetness of flower petals that Ed could remember seeing as a child in Rizenbool. He used to love flowers...

Stunned, his yellow eyes widened and his pupils contracted and he snapped back up and positively _stormed _away from the little shop continuing his mantra 'the arrow is straight.'

-

He was jogging up the monotonous steps of Central City Military Head Quarters feeling like giving Alicia a paintbrush and brilliant colors to emblazon the steps with some artistry before he found himself dreading what was to happen. He groaned inwardly and turned the knob to a now smaller room where Jean Havoc sat smoking, Riza and Farmen worked seriously, and Cain Fury tried to persuade Havoc in putting out his cigarette. Breda was inviting Havoc to a game of chess.

The door creaked open as Ed took a step in and shut it promptly behind him. Without another word, he walked confidently up to the new door noticing that the opening he had made was fixed.

"I need my mission, colonel," Ed said acidly after he slammed the other door shut.

"Oh? What mission would this be?" Roy asked.

"Bastard," Ed insulted, "you know very well what I'm talking about. I'm talking about that lead that you were aware of months ago and was going to tell me now because I'm back from the previous one that you got for me. For my quest."

Roy raised an eyebrow. Since when did Edward start finding _him _predictable?

"And the thing with the arrow," Ed began, "you got Hughes to set it up just to tick me off didn't you?"

"Now that is being rather paranoid, Fullmetal," Roy interjected, "and furthermore, if this rumor is true than we would have a lot to say about this. People enlist and join on a 'don't ask; don't tell' basis, but should your personal needs ever get in the way . . . "

"If there wasn't a 'personal need' I wouldn't be here!" Ed snapped. He then rethought his statement. "You know, for Al."

Roy nodded once, sharply. "You have yet to turn in a mission report to me, Fullmetal," he pointed out.

"It was a false lead. There was nothing. I'll just ask Hawkeye to file it as a False Lead under Exton Hill, give the date, and what it was a false lead for. Done. I need a mission and I haven't got all day."

Roy got up and went to a bookshelf on one side of him and grabbed a packet from -as Ed noted -the very top shelf. He handed the large envelope to Edward, who took it with a smile.

"Hey, colonel, I'm sorry for that jab at your personal life this morning if you say you're sorry for yours," Ed bargained.

The older man smirked and pretended to consider it. "It wasn't a jab, Fullmetal." Edward frowned at the man's constant use of the nickname. " I can very well manage to find 52 dates each year, one for every week as you've said. And besides, I honestly did hear that you liked older men." He smirked.

Ed glared ruthlessly at him. _The arrow is straight and true; the arrow will hit its target; the arrow will run straight through its target; it will tear up the bastard in front up me piece by bloody piece . . . _

The colonel had the most devious smirk and would not hesitate to use it. It was often unsettling knowing that there was something funny that Roy found about him. Thankfully the colonel had refrained from mocking his height.

"You, Fullmetal . . . "

_Edward_, Ed thought.

"...are not yet mature enough to handle even your one childhood friend," Roy finished. He was soon cut off from the loud yelling of Ed stomping up to him again.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING TOO SHORT TO STAND UP TO YOU?" Ed screamed. He went right up to Colonel Roy Mustang, tugged violently on the unbuttoned collar of the military uniformand pulled Roy down to smash his lips against his.

The other man had not expected _that _of all things. His black eyes snapped wide for a bare second before quickly taking the situation under his control. _First kiss_, he recalled hearing earlier that morning and instinctively knew how he should handle the case.

Fullmetal was violent and forceful and Roy pulled back slightly before leaning in gently . . . gently and sucking softly on Fullmetal's top lip.It struck him as odd what he was now doing -kissing another State Alchemist and liking it too.

But it was the worse sort of temptation what Fullmetal had just offered. He knew the boy had a marvelous set of lungs for yelling, cursing, screaming, throwing fits, and talking like a level-headed human being once in a blue moon, but he had never expected how marvelous they would be for making those _sounds_.

The boy was very articulate. When he had felt Roy kissing back, Roy had heard a stunned little gasp that slowly played out into a whimper. Fullmetal's hands had started fisting his shirt, grabbing and loosening its hold sporadically.

_"Aah! Mmph. Ngg. Unn . . . "_

_First kiss_, thought Edward as he breathlessly tried to hold back the shivers running down his spine. He felt as if he could just about melt had it not been for Roy's hands conveniently snaking around his slim waist, holding him close and making it impossible to turn into Fullmetal pudding on the colonel's floor. It would not do to seem that weak in front of the colonel.

Ed pulled back slightly, his eyes still closed and still drinking in the scent of roses and feeling of sparks flying everywhere. It had seemed magical, from the point it had started, to how slowly they both drew back.

Roy kept his eyes trained on him with a look of indecision. The bubbly feeling came back though. Ed found himself damning the arrow for every existing. The arrow could be crooked for all he cared -crooked, unfit for firing, unfit for everything but kissing.

This time Roy bent slightly at his knees and Ed wound his arms around Roy's neck and buried his hands in Roy's dark hair. Ed leaned in first, slowly moving closer as Roy angled his head down to cover the other's mouth with his own, and lick, suck, nip, and finally slip his tongue inside the teen's mouth and curl his tongue in the strangest ways against the other's confused one. Ed noticed that it was slightly hot in the room, or perhaps it was just because he was kissing the Flame Alchemist and somewhere between 'kissing' and 'Flame Alchemist' was his answer.He had never known how wonderful a kiss could be, how it would feel that two people were kissing, both, together, and joined in the lovely feeling. Roy tasted of a bittersweet thing that Edward first wanted to say was some poison -for he seriously viewed this as something poisoning him. But he soon recognized it to be the coffee the colonel drank every day. And for Roy, Ed smelled heavily of flowers and his mouth was sweet with some impossible sugar that never left. Edward finally began playing around with his own tongue, touching back, and recreating the circular motions Roy drew on the roof of his mouth.

_Second kiss, _he counted wistfully. The arrow could be completely damned now. It was not straight, it was very crooked, it could _be _very crooked and he would never care. He didn't very much care if he ever came out of the room and returned to his journey. Just as long as Roy kept doing . . . _ooh_ . . . that.

-

One month later, Edward Elric returned to Central City to find no more stares in the streets. Al had been told by Hughes before they left that it had been a joke. Well, Al had been told it was a joke, but Lt. Colonel Maes Hughes went up to Ed to tell him another officer in Investigations had mistaken some girl for him. Ed had refrained from causing physical damage to the man who had just compared him to a girl on account that some good had come out of it all. That was what Hughes had told everyone else too, though the ones closest to Roy knew the truth of Edward Elric. Still, the city had calmed down, and the military as well thinking that nothing was wrong.

Al had checked into another hotel while Ed hurried onto Central Military HQ with only a slight bounce in his step. He was shocked to find the alchemized wall still there, and now pictures were hung on there too. Havoc was the first to greet him with a wave, and a less than innocent grin. Breda waved and smiled happily, Fury managed a small smile, Farmen gave a small wave, and Riza Hawkeye stared at him as if to examine him, and nodded approvingly for him to go in.

It nearly made Ed blush thinking what had happened just a month ago. He had withdrawn from Roy's kiss, blushed furiously and stormed out. The whole entire office was crouching in front of the air filter he had alchemized in the wall, even Riza. They had suddenly turned to look at him, and he colored even more, clutched the information packet in his arms, and ran out the door like a homunculus was chasing him.

The colonel was still on the phone and held out a finger to whoever was there to wait, not even glancing up. "I'm truly sorry, Vivian. No, I don't think it's just today. No, not ever. I'm very sorry. It has nothing to do with you, you're a wonderful woman, really, you are. It's really me. I don't think it will work. I'm sorry." There was a longer pause. "Still good friends? Sure. Bye."

He hung up with a deep sigh and racked his hands through his hair, and finally looked up to see Edward Elric.

"Did you find anything?"

"You've dumped _everyone_?" Ed asked incredulously. He saw Roy nod and lean tiredly back on his office chair.

"Well, I think we're closer to the answer. I'll be staying in Central for a while to research in the library." Seeing Roy nod again, Ed took a hesitant step forward. It was amazing how things were progressing.

"Everyone?" he asked again.

Roy nodded again, flipping open a small black, leather-bound agenda book and began to read, "Diana, Gina, Katherine, Catherine with a 'C,' Nancy, Alice, Michelle, Ellen, Truth, Lisa, and Vivian."

"That's a little ways from 52," Ed joked, coming even closer and finally sitting on Roy's lap. He took the agenda book into his own hands and flipped through the many pages of dates, times, names, and places. "Scratch that, far more than 52." Roy nodded, wrapped his arms around Edward and burrowed his nose into the nape of the other's neck.

"Happy?" Roy asked.

"Very happy . . . Roy," Ed answered.

Roy inhaled the flowery scent that Ed always seemed to carry, held the small but masculine bundle in his arms and called the teen by name.

"Mm?"

"I said 'Edward, it's good that you're happy.'" Roy repeated. Ed got up unexpectedly, and stared straight into Roy's eyes. He saw something in there that made him happy, and he pecked the colonel on the lips and led him up by the hand, saying that it was lunch time and that Roy was to treat him and his brother to lunch and a day in the city.

Ed got the door, swung it open happily, and froze at what he saw. Roy came up behind him, and immediately understood.

"I'm not _gay!_" Cain Fury argued, "I'm as straight as an arrow!"

From his seat, sitting and smoking, Jean Havoc scoffed and replied, "The arrow's crooked."

-Owari-

**A/N: **Sap for the point of sap, no time-line, no real plot, and yet I had to write it. In any case, I hope this pointlessness was enjoyable. Review!


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